The day she knew about it, she looked calm and composed.. It seemed I am weaker than her..
She is stronger than I had expected..
Everyone told us that the treatment will be too hard on her, everyone say she will not be able to take it.. we are in a struggle whether to let her go for it.. In the end we let her try.. she looked okie except feeling more tired than usual…
I prayed she will be able to pull through the rest of the sessions…
Its hard on her, its even harder on me… I was close to her, I cannot imagine the day she will be gone… I had prepared myself that when she aged, one day she will leave me but definitely not in this way…
Its hard on the family to break the new to those close to her…
Initially we were keeping from her the actual condition… Only until the doctor highlighted to us that we shouldn’t be selfish…
What if she had something to tell us?? What if she got something unfinished to do??
We should not take the chance away from her to do whatever she wants before its too late…
We heed the doctor’s advice….
Doc: Ah po, how are you today? Do you know why you are here??
Ah Po: Cause not feeling well..
Doc: Do you know why you not feeling well??
Ah Po : Some growth, is it I having cancer?
And the conversation goes on…
The doctor did not tell her directly what she is suffering from except to tell her its something that can’t be get rid off permanently..
The truth is cruel… the truth hurts… not only on me but on her as well…
I cried for few days… I can’t sleep, I can’t help but thinking that she will be away from me for sure… I can’t help but think why is life so unfair to her… well, life is never fair anyway…
But time does not stop at this moment… my life still goes on, I can’t be crying everyday… I learn to accept the truth… Its pointless to think why it become like this, why not that… in the end, I can’t change the fact… what’s the point??
I try as much as I can to lead life normally, treat her normally… I don’t want her to see me in pain, I want her to leave happily without worries… I tried to spend more time with her… For this is the only time I have to be with her… The last chance…
