she seems to be getting weaker nowadays..
she is feeling more and more tired... this is not a very good sign..
guess the positive effects from the radiotherapy had gone off.. it had been 3 months till now..
i went lunch with her..
we then went for kopi.. she chatted as usual.. telling me alot of things.. from family to herself..
she had been pondering whether to go back to macu for a visit when the last visit to the doc, he had advice her that she is able & fit to travel..
but now, suddenly she changed her mind,she told me now that her condition is not tat good, she is not able to enjoy if she went back to macu. she think she will be stuck at auntie house as she will not be able to go for a walk or drink as freely as in here..
i felt that she really wants to go back for a visit but her condition forbid her..
whatever reasons she had to go back , i'm not too sure... probably to see auntie and cousin..
last time whenever we asked her to go tour, she will say she still need to work, can't afford to take off for so many days..
but now when she wants to go, she can't...
life is always full of uncertainty, we live our life, wat we wants to do, wat we dream, we shd go ahead and try to fulfil them,we don't know wat will happen tmr.. we shdn't live in regret..
i realise that her stomach is getting bigger, its far too big for her small frame to carry it..
her arms are just bones as i can see... there is not much flesh..
her weight is getting lighter and lighter..
for a while, i forget she is sick.. i live life normally, treating her normally..
now i am being pulled back to reality again... to face all again..
its really hard for me to cope...
i pray that she experience no pain..
