Two Years Ago...

Two years ago, I made my decision... Probably not a very wise one I should say... But I thought its wise at that point of time.. I went ahead with my guts feel but time had proven that I am wrong..
I asked myself "Do I have regrets?" A tough question..

No regrets as in I took the plunge and tried? or Regrets because I had failed??
Life is not about regretting any decision you have made..
No one guarantees your choice is the right one..

I faced up to it, take ownership of my decision and let time heal my pain..

I have tried, I guess I had no more regrets... I gave a chance and Time had proven it not meant for me..

I treasured the time that I used to have...

"Its better to have love and lost than never to have love at all.." -The Leap Years

My Heart Aches...

Michael and Ms Lo looked so loving in the photos…

A loving story of how they met, how they get together…

How much they loved each other..

But it was not for long…

Ms Lo was killed by terrorist in Mumbai…

I followed the news, my tears welled up when I read their story..

Its was heartbreaking .. Ms Lo was in the wrong place at the wrong time..

No one would be able to know Michael’s pain…

He needs to be strong, but he can only be that strong.. May his families and love ones be with him through this difficult period and pull him out of darkness…

The 3 Years Plan..

Had a great catch up over the past few weeks with all my close friends, its something that I had stop doing for a long time.. really a long long time..

A friend who posted a question to me yesterday: "What is your plan for the next 3 years?"
I told him I had none.. I told him I don't plan..
He shared with me his plans and goals..
It set me thinking...real hard..

Its good to have a plan afterall..
One could not just live the life without a plan..
There is plan, there will be goals, there will be motivation - That is what life is all about..

"One who desired so much for something will be able to achieve it." Is this really so?

off to think of some plans....

When Everything Becomes Clear...

Went for lasik last two weeks... something I had surprise myself with..
usually I will procrastinate for a long time to make a decision, especially this is a surgery for my eyes... nevertheless I still went ahead..

I don't know where did I get my courage.. I just follow my heart...
I wasn't nervous throughout the evaluation which took me a god damn 3hrs!!!
Nevousness came the moment my name was being called and I was told to be the next one..
Gosh!!! My heart was pumping really fast...

Phew!!! It was fast, barely 15minutes
It helps when doctor keep talking to me throughout....

I was scared and I keep on breathing..
Barely 15minutes apart, I am with perfect eyesight! Re-born again..
No more glasses, contact lens... Great!!

Now is still the recovering stage..

A time when everything becomes clearer...

The Trip that Sets Me Free...

Back from an island trip last week...
Feels so refresh!!
Life can be so GREAT! (",)

Took a couple of photos... busy snapping here & there....afterall there is nothing much to do on the island...
Pardon me , I am not a professional photographer but somehow I just like to snap photos to capture the memory.... photos last a long time... Isn't it?

I had been wondering how life could be so peaceful on an island....
What will I be doing if I live on this island.... well, its for me to imagine...

Times, its good to get away from the busy city life and seek some peace to recharge ourselves, to reorganized our thoughts, our priorities and set ourselves on the right route again...

Till then....

A New Perspective of Beauty...

I had attended a beauty workshop with a gal friend yesterday..
We were most entertained by the Nuyou editor, Grace Lee..
She is a fun and spontaneous speaker..
At the age of 41, she look as if she is only in the mid thirties..
She will be the role model of how we can age gracefully just like her..
Woman who is fun, stylish and most of all woman who enjoys the beauty of Life!

What I took with me at the end of the workshop;
"Fashion is a form of Communication"
"Shoulders are Sexy, Cleavage is Vulgar"
I am sure men will not agree with the latter...
Well, beauty is defined differently..
Most important is we should feel comfortable with ourselves, just be ourself!

Counting the years and more to Come

I did some soul searching
I realized I had met good people all these while
I count myself still pretty lucky (“,)
My best friend whom I have known for almost 16 years
He had long be a part of me in my life
He shared every ups and down with me
Spending time with me when I badly needed the company
He is always there to give me a lift when I needed it.
He is always there to lend me a listening ear when I want to talk
He is always ready to give me advices
What we have is not Love but more like a family to me
I can’t deny he stands an important place in my heart
It would be forever.
It is not easy that we came so far from being a couple to being such a close friend.
Times I wonder how we manage to do it
But we did it!
Of course there are the gals who stood by me when I was hit by the most terrible thing in life.
They never forsake me.
They pulled me up bit by bit.
Without them, I will not be able to stand up again.
Their patience towards me is more than I can ever ask for.
I have learnt the hard way:- “I can only helped myself”
The friendship will continue to grow
I will not forsake this friendship that I had build up for so many years
Though at times I might have taken the friendship for granted
I’m sure I will do better in time to come
In life, how often do we met some friends that we can truly trust?
How often will the friendship pass the test of time?
I believe that there is true friendship around, once you found it, never let it go
Just like Love, once you found it, dare to love when you are being loved.

West Coast Park

I simply fell in LOVE with this park...
Every bits of it... the sky, the sea, the breeze...
There are alot if to go on naming...
The view is captivating...be it Sunset or Night...
The simplicity catches my attention..

Siem Reap, Cambodia

Never did I thought that I will go to Cambodia, it’s not even one of the country on my list! But still I went with an open mind and I should say it’s really an unforgettable trip I have, an eye opening experience for me. Captivating scenery and temples that set you wonder how people last time able to build such beautiful temples with all the cravings on almost all part of the temples. It’s really amazing!

I will say this trip really put a test not only on my stamina but also to my fear of height!!

First before even reaching Cambodia, me and my friend were taking our own sweet time to get on board. We almost miss the flight!! Before we begin our adventure at Cambodia, we were running like mad to reach the boarding gate!! I swear I will never want to do it again!! Both of us are still as destructive as ever..

Second, Every morning, I woke up around 4plus to 5am and begin my journey exploring different temples in Siem Reap.. of course under the scotching sun!! I am badly burned.. Not only I sweat a lot, my legs going numb when I had to climb the super high and steep steps up the temple.. I almost kill myself!! There is no turning back except to continue climbing..

Neverthless I tried my best to conquer my fear and make it up. Its worth it! The sunset is soooo nice… with the temples as the backdrop, you will never get such views in Singapore..

The trip was fun with my friend, Sharon Tan around.. We had our bits of fun and craps together! From the driver who always ask her the same question every time he sees her until she was so irritated and decided to ignore him, then to the guide that took her breath away.. haha… not forgetting the waiter at Blue Pumpkin ( Café at Cambodia) who tried his luck to date us to go clubbing with him…. There were lots of jokes and craps created by both of us…We even fear where the tuk tuk driver was going to drive us to.. haha..

It is an experience that I will never forget…

The War in Cambodia that I will never able to understand… The landmines that kill or handicapped many which I feel sad for them. .

The life over Cambodia make me more appreciative of the place that I am living in now. Children there were not as lucky as over here.. They had to work hard for their keep, persuading tourists to buy from them, I would say they were really good salesman.

One thing for sure I will remember is the smile on their face. It made me realize that happiness can be so simple.. Life isn’t that complicated the way it should be..

Life could just be that simple…

Choices We Made..

Choices..How often do we have to make choices??
There are just too many for us to keep track..

Times we are proud that we made the right choice & stick with it till the end..
Times we regret the choice that we made.. Can we turn back the clock??
But time don't stop, what is done is done.. There is no room for regrets..

Life is too short to be filled with regrets..

We will never know whether we are making the right choice at that moment in time..
It is a risk that we all take..
Only time will tell..

Bottom Line...

Don't be too good I will miss you.
Don't be too caring, I might like you. Don't be too Sweet, I might
fall for you. It's hard for me to love you when you won't love me
after all...

Bottom-line : A person who makes me love her is actually a person who loves me more than I love her.

Time to put down my burden

For so long I had been holding on the guilt. Holding on to the burden..

It is so heavy.
It’s time to put them all down.

I had been holding onto the guilt for such a long time. The guilt of making that decision for granny that fateful day. Someone once told me why am I filled with all the bitterness and sadness? Back then I don’t know what it meant but now I do. I am just dwelling in deeper and deeper each day until I hurt others unintentionally. I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.

Now I guess its time to put down the burden and live life in a fresh new beginning..

Granny would want to see me this way..

To my loved ones, I’m sorry that I might have hurt you in any way or words that I said during this period. I hope you will be patient with me and walk through this darkest moments with me. My pain for granny will heal slowly..

I promise.

Running @ the Park

Its been such a long time since I last went for jogging..
I hate jogging actually, I don't enjoy every bit of this sport..

Just one month ago, I began to pick it up again simply because that evening I really need a breather,I need to just get out of the house.. so I thought "why not?" since the park was just minutes away..

I admit it was very tough at first.. going through the panting or perhaps breathless at some point but I still able to manage, lucky I never faint! (",)

The park had changed alot ever since the last time I been there.. There are so many people there, so many children playing.. their laughters really warms my heart.. They are happy and carefree.. playing in their little world.. How I wish times I can be like them..

Ever since that day, I began to run every sun at the park.. not to say I can run well but it just got better every week.. I am able to run a little further each week, manging a little better each time..
I'm surprised myself that I can push myself to get out to run.. Usually I am too lazy cause its no joy to go alone..

"At some time we need to stop and breath and look at people around us.. Sometimes we are too occupied and we just forget about people we love,we begin to take our loved ones for granted.. only to be awake when the day this person no longer around.. If I knew that tomorrow never comes, I will surely tell you how much I love you..If tomorrow never comes, there is no regret about today.."

Patience is the Key..

Came to realize that there is really nothing that can be done at this point of time..
What is needed to be done had already been done..

Its too late to self reflect on what had gone wrong.. too late to make any amends now.. too late to think what could be done to make it better..too late to think what have not been done..
afterall we cannot undo what we have did wrong or what we have said.. We can't turn back time..
We can only do the best when the next time comes..

Letting go of something is a selfish act for you are letting go of what you have allowed to bottle up for long time, a thing you do for yourself.. But letting go is also a route to heal..
Well, there is always two sides of the coin.. Its only which side we choose..

All that is needed now is for time to show the answer.. for time to lead the way..for time to tell..
If its meant to be, its meant to be no matter what.. Thats what people usually said..
Whatever it is, time is the only solution now, or is it not?
People are just too impatient to wait..
well, sometimes good things do come if you hold on a little longer..

memories will always be remembered fondly..that is the only thing that we own it..

"Life is a series of pulls back & forth.. You want to do one thing but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't.. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted. "----"Tuesday with Morries"

Don't let other's opinion dictate what you want to do, your heart will show you the way..

Trust and Believe...

Sundown marathon just over last Sat. The first ultra marathon in Singapore which drawn a crowd of strong runners but there was only one disabled athlete in this event, the 10.5 km race categories.

Despite not being like a normal person, he had the utmost determination to finish the race with the help of a running guide. He is determined not to become a victim of his circumstances. His perseverance allowed him to finish the race. Most of all, he believe in his guide who will lead him to the finish line.

I was aspired by his drive and determination. At the end of the day, we are abit more lucky. He is blind but he did not give up hope, he pressed on to become better, to surpass his own disabilities.

How many of us can be like him?

Positive
Determine
Patient

I guess not many of us are like that. Most of us just feel dejected when we are faced with problems, questions marks.

Its only take some time to reorganize our thoughts and goals in order to have a clearer picture of what we want or how we going to solve the problem.

At the end of day, its only to trust yourself and holds on to the belief you have to reach new heights.

Human beings, Waiting, Words

Human beings are complex creatures in the world..

someone told me that we shouldn’t tie ourselves down to think what others is thinking..

its tiring; for we will never be able to know what others are thinking unless they tell us..

To a certain extend, its true..

Waiting is a torturous thing in this world..

Whether waiting for someone, for an answer, for good or bad… it’s a torture…

For during waiting, you are filled with uncertainties..

you think a lot of the possible and impossible until you are drained to the very bit of your energy left..

Words can be painted into a beautiful picture

But only you and you will know how beautiful this picture is and the deepest meaning within..

At times you may wonder what is the true meaning behind those words..

Words can be easily said but will it be able to stand the test of time..

Time..

Time
If only it can turns back, I would have done better

Time
If it really turns back, I will still make the same choice

Time
If it can go back, I will definitely say them out

But time moves on, we can’t turn back time

We can only wait and see if time will tell the truth

Time is indeed a powerful tool

We cannot make it faster, cannot make it slower

We can only move along with time

It had been such a long time..

for so many months i lost the energy to update this blog.. just tired & exhausted..
I started this blog hoping I can keep track each and everything about her, a memory of her...
I thought by writing, expressing out my feeling will I be able to feel better...be able to move on..

I was just silly... I just don't feel better all these months...
No one can really know how I feel...not even him...

Time passed... its seemed to be such a long time but its only barely 5 months...
My life goes on, I try my best to move on.. My life doesn't stop just because she is gone...

But alot of times I failed, memories just brings me back to her again & again...

All I need is more time...