Aug 6, 2009

你不要沮丧...

That day mum said to dad
“你不要沮丧,不要但心, 这里有医生帮你。
你自己要振作。。“

I fought back my tears, afterall I got no courage to say that to dad. I’m afraid that once I said, I will cry but mum did it on her own. Yes on her own.

Dad nodded his head, he knows what mum is trying to tell him.

Dad is weaker, as the fluid in the stomach getting heavy, it stopped him from eating more. He couldn’t sleep well too. I see him deteriorating each day.
There are so many feelings that I can’t describe here and now.

That day I clipped his toe nails for he have no strength to even do so, that is how bad his condition is now. He tells me that times pass slowly. I have to encourage him that just tolerate these few days and then we can go home together. He just nod..

These days, he seldom talk coz it makes him breathless, he don’t see papers anymore, he simply don’t want to do anything.

I am helpless; to him and to my mum. I felt that all I can do is to be presence. At least that will let him feels that he is not alone. To let him feels that I am with him to fight this battle.

Friends told me to be strong. I know.
But It seems that it is not within my control.
Very much I wanted to be strong and able to let my dad & family pull through this ordeal, I find myself weak.

I find myself drift away in thoughts some of the time.

I think I must not fall for I am the pillar of strength ..

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