Zest, Colour, Strength

When dad was diagnosed with the disease, the idea of capturing the remaining journey to the end came to me one day. Don’t ask me but it just came to me that particular day.

那是一个强烈的感觉。。。

I shared this idea with my friends, some agree, some feels it’s too harsh to capture your love one’s remaining days. I agree. Who will have the courage to do so? Even if you asked me to capture someone’s else remaining days, I might not be able to do so too. Not to say my very own father.

Coincidentally there is a photo exhibition by Deanna Ng “Life Before Death”
The photography project aims to document the legacy of hospice patients and the terminally ill.

I want to do something like this for my father. A legacy.
The idea 是 强烈的。。
But I don’t have the courage to move on, I don’t have the courage to do it.
I could not bring out the strength and resilience of him for I seen none.

I see no colour, I see no zest and no strength. What is left is the breathing which he painfully gasping, breathing in and out, harder each day.

I was reading a book by Tony Parson “Man and Boy” and so coincidentally, the story talked about the lead character’s father who is terminally ill. Tony Parson wrote:
“There are things that could be done but there is also nothing that can be done. My father is dying.“

This is how I am feeling now. Yes the doctor do all that they could to prolong his life, to make him feel comfortable. But now, even the last resort failed to do its job.
There is nothing that can be done now. I just hope that he will be comfortable, he will not suffer pain. This is all that I hope for.


Abstract from Deanna Ng’s Photography Exhibition:

I saw courage instead of fear
I saw happiness instead of despair
I saw love instead of resentment
I saw life instead of death

Death does not have to be sad

As much as I wanted to celebrate his final journey with courage, happiness and love.

I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Death is the final journey which each and everyone of us will need to go through.
我们知道的。。
但就是无法坦荡荡的面对。。